11/5/2013 - fish hands

My hands smell like fish. Wanna smell 'em?

10/25/2013 - 20 oz

I love how insulted Starbucks employees get when you say super grande instead of venti. #whitepeopleproblems

10/19/1981 - Food Poisoning

On your actual birthday, it is important not to be food poisoned. 

Bags - 10-18-13

Kolache sounds too much like colostomy. Say it aloud. 

10/14/2013 - Birthday Week

On your birthday week, get as many  people to cook for you as possible. Come to think of it… Get as many people to cook for you as possible on any week.

10/9/2013 - Poverty

I would not mind living hand to mouth...if my hand were made of steak.

Horse - 9/29/13

There are a lot of statues of horses. I think that's why we don't eat horse meat.

Pee Stink - 9/28/13

Dammit!!!

Top Shelf - 9/24/13

If you want to lift your spirits, be sure the lid is on tight first so you don't spill any. 

Bertie Bott - 9/23/2013

I wonder if people named their daughters Hermione after all the Harry Potter movies and books came out. That really doesn't belong in a cooking blog… Wait… Jelly beans!

Mutually Exclusive - 9/21/2013

I don't understand the expression "shits and giggles."  I find it to to be mutually exclusive, not a quaint duo....especially on Sunday mornings after tailgating.

Horoscopes - 9/19/13

Horoscopes are like bowling. They aren't real sports. Anything that you do better while  drinking beer and eating nachos is not a real sport. Wait, I think I meant Horseshoes. My bad I just got back from bowling.

Date Night - 9/18/13

Choosing the appropriate menu when cooking for a lady friend can be a daunting task. For instance, deciding between white and red wine. Consulting online resources and various books can provide valuable information when making such a decision. My fall back is a nice Peeno Newar. Many ladies prefer a red wine such as Franzia. I suggest sampling several before your big night. At that point the food won't really matter. 

9/15/2013 - Suess-a-phone

Meat is better with bread.

Bread is better with meat.

Sometimes in bed I eat bread.

Sometimes in a seat I eat meat.

Sometimes I seat in bed with bread and meat and eat and eat and eat.

Go to bread I said!

Dr. Seuss ain't got nothing on me.

9/13/2013 - I'm Starving

One time I was so hungry I could've eaten a horse. I did. It was too much food. 

Stop Eating Fast Food - 4/8/13

Yeah, I'll do that right after I go for a jog.

Egg Rolls - 2/19/2013

It is of some concern to me that egg rolls at my favorite Chinese place are cheaper than the ones at Jack in the Box. Arf. What?

1/25/2013 - New Years Pasta

Black eyed peas are gross. Cabbage sounds like a lot of work. New years pasta - Boil water. Add pasta. Happy New Years.

I am delayed in posting this because even that recipe left me with too little time to post until now.