10/25/2013 - 20 oz

I love how insulted Starbucks employees get when you say super grande instead of venti. #whitepeopleproblems

10/19/1981 - Food Poisoning

On your actual birthday, it is important not to be food poisoned. 

Bags - 10-18-13

Kolache sounds too much like colostomy. Say it aloud. 

10/14/2013 - Birthday Week

On your birthday week, get as many  people to cook for you as possible. Come to think of it… Get as many people to cook for you as possible on any week.

10/9/2013 - Poverty

I would not mind living hand to mouth...if my hand were made of steak.