Filet Mignon

 Filets are like going to the beach and using the pool. 

Alberstsons' Pinwheels

Going to a grocery store to buy pre-prepared food is like going to Hell to farm rocks.

No one sane eats rocks and McDonald's sells Big Macs...in a DRIVE-THRU!

Winter is Coming

When it's cold outside, I like to eat fast food because it's quick n easy.  Also when hot out.

Texas

Texas is 5 times the size of Louisiana (probably, I'm not very good at math).  Texas does not have any cookies though...not one.  Cookie Monster ate them all.  When asked why, Cookie Monster responded:

The texture and flavor cornucopic Mecca that is the Cookie must be consumed with all the vigor and lust of life itself.  Leaving just morsel a drift and alone can only be rationalized a fever-mad mind of a lunatic. They must all be devoured in order to show God the respect he demands for creating such a gift to mankind.

Jk. He said, "ME LOVE COOKIES!"

S'more Dog Jokes

Hey FriendJon, did you hear the song Chocolate wrote about being in  s'more?

You listen to music, LolaBears? But you're a dog?!

It's a joke, FriendJon.

Oh Ok.  No, I don't hear the song Chocolate wrote about being in  s'more.

It was called Stuck in the Middle with Goo. Ro ro ro.

I wonder how marshmallow feels about being called 'goo.'

Ugh, it's a joke, FriendJon.

I know. Jk.  I love you, LolaBears.

I love you too, FriendJon.

My Ego

My ego is bruised, battered, beaten, and worn.

Bruised like a peach. The fairest of the fruits.

Battered like a fish stick. Caked in a mother's love.

Beaten like a egg. Homogenized by violence. 

Worn like, "Geez Nester, try getting some of the spaghetti in your moth next time!"

Plane Food

 Plain Food

Science is Real

If you put twice as much meat on your sandwiches, less meat will spoil in your fridge.

#thatsjestscience

Milk

Hey FriendJon, did you hear about the cow that spilled its milk?

When were you on a farm, LolaBears?

I wasn't; it's a joke, FriendJon.

Oh ok.  No, I didn't hear about the cow that spilled its milk.

It was an utter waste. Ro ro ro.

I love you, LolaBears.

I love you too, FriendJon.

Meaty Matter of Insulation

In middle school, I did a science fair project called The Meaty Matter of Insolation.

I wrapped equally-sized hunks of meat in various wrappings. Froze them to a common temperature. And observed the rates at which they thawed.

What I discovered is that it's much more fun to eat your meat. 

#thatsjestscience

My Name is Earl

I watched My Name is Earl, but after like 100 episodes, he still hadn't made a sandwich.

That must've been some other guy. 

Mosh Peach

At the center of a Mosh Peach is a Mosh Pit.

Wonder Bread

Wonder Bread is the most pondersome of all loaves.

Not to be mistaken for Wander Bread which is very hard to find.