9/29/2012 - Owes me a Shirt

On time I saw Shaq at a basketball game. He tossed me his jersey. The problem is I was eating nachos. The jersey knocked the nachos into my shirt ruining it. I jokingly wrote him a letter explaining to him that he ruined my shirt, and he owes me a new one. Within a week, I received a new Polo. In hindsight, I shoulda had him replace the nachos.

9/27/2012 - China

Thank you, China. But when you take us over, please let us keep cheeseburgers!

9/24/2012 - Cannibals

I could never be a cannibal. McDonalds doesn't serve human.

9/22/2012 - Giada

The first time I saw Giada at home I was shocked to see porn on daytime cable.

9/21/2012 - To Bread I Said!

Cereal grains were among the first plants to be successfully farmed in large quantities. Cereal, in large part, is what allowed for the spread and growth of the great civilizations on Earth. When explorers visited far off places of the globe such as the Isle of New Guinea., they're possessions we're treated with high regard. Natives would adorn their bodies with food containers including cereal boxes which they'd wear similar to the way we wear hats.
Grains have done all this, but we still haven't invented a premade toast! Seriously, scientists?!!?

9/20/2012 - Tuesdays

Some Tuesday mornings, I enjoy a chocolate bagel. If you find yourself eating one on a Tuesday morning, think of me. I'll be thinking about my chocolate bagel.

9/18/2012 - Caution

Some people prefer a cup of coffee and a cigarette. For my money though, there is no better laxative than a McDonalds hash brown and smooth jazz.